When Snow Falls
by Kuroya-hime
Summary: I'm wracking my brain trying to remeber why exactly I'm hidding.


**So here's something I wrote a few weeks ago in case I didn't finish the one I was planning on writing but obviously indid so here it is... Mah winter break... I haven't updated anything like I said I would -_- oops...  
><strong>**Deck the halls**** with balls and boobies  
>Trololololol lolololoooool<br>Tis the season to be derpy  
>Trololololooool lolololoooool~<br>-~-~-~-~-~**

The snow falls so slowly. I watch them painfully as I wait for their cold touch to land on my exposed skin. Winter has come so fast. I smile with frozen, stiff muscles. All those memories of the Order, missions and people all swirling in my mind. Swirling around and around, like a thick liquid slipping slowly down the drain. The tears I wanted to cry were swallowed straight down along with them.

I'm slipping. The fourteenth's, no Neah's memories are beginning to overshadow my own. As his laugh resounds in my head like an echoing cave, I bite back my screams of pain. I don't want to forget. But the most frightening thing is that by the time I have been consumed, I won't even realize that I had ever had anything to forget.

The first thing to slip, the names of the finders who come and pass as quickly as mice. The girl I wondered if was new as she passed, waved, smiled and said "Morning Allen." with a familiar smile. I tried to convince myself that she had never mentioned her named, but I never remembered even seeing her face. It was something so small, but I couldn't help but feel a cold press upon my heart as I waved gently at her. Suddenly their faces began to disappear rapidly from my mind until I could only recognize Toma, the first finder I had worked with. And finally, as I searched rapidly through the halls for the last man in manila coat that I could remember, calling his name until someone stopped me. Who was this person? A friend of Toma's?

"I'm right here. What did you need Allen?" the man said. My heart stopped.

"N-nothing, sorry." I smiled a laughed lightly. I understood what was happening. I felt the world begin to slip through my fingers and I wanted to crumble into tears. But I never will because I have to keep walking, right? I'll just smile so no one will get hurt.

Second to go was the layout of the Order. 'I always get lost', I told myself as I wandered around the halls. 'It's nothing new.'

"Allen-chan?" Lavi's familiar voice came up from behind me. "Whatcha doin' up here?" He trotted up beside me.

"Hehe, I got lost. Just going to my room." I said shyly as I scratched my head. Lavi turned his red-brown head to give me a questioning stare.

"Allen this is the twelfth floor." He said borderline concerned. "There aren't any rooms for the last two floors and your room is on the fifth."

"Ah! Did I really wander all the way up here?" I said shocked. Before I spoke again I covered up any fear in my voice and face. "Geez I really have no sense of direction! Haha, you know how I am." I grinned playfully. But Lavi looked slightly unconvinced. We both knew it had been at least six months since I had gotten lost in the Order. Nine since I had wandered this far. "A-anyway I should go down then, hah." I started trotting towards the hall stairs before he stopped me again.

"Allen?"

"Hmm?" I looked back at his shining emerald eye.

"The stairs are that way." He pointed the opposite way I was heading.

"Oh! Right haha, see I can't tell left from right!" I continued to joke. For a moment his face remained blank, but I saw him bring out his usual smile, though a bit more force than usual. That hurt, the thought of someone else trying to force a smile for my sake. How ironic that the very act I continued to do everyday, was one of the things I hated most.

Third, the things of my past. Where was it again that I had spent so many years with Master? For how long did I play poker trying to pay off his debts? How much money did he really owe?

"You!" The gray haired old inn keeper pointed a finger at me. Lenalee and I had been sent to a city in France to collect some innocence. "You're the boy from four or so years ago who was with the man who owes me (2000 dollars in pounds)!"

"What?" I said confused. "I don't think I've ever traveled to this town." I scratched at my white locks trying to remember.

"I think I would remember the kid white white hair and that scar, who stayed here for nearly a year with that red headed drunkard!" The man was nearly screaming now. "He owes this whole town loads of money!"

Lenalee shrugged it off as just one of the thousands of strange things I did with Master that I wouldn't have remember, but by this time I knew what has going on. I began to have dreams. Dreams of things I didn't understand. But they weren't just dreams, they were memories. Memories of Mana as a child, of a kind woman who bore the burden of raising two children alone and in poverty. There was also a man, tall and majestic, he seemed nice, but something was off and I felt a deep hatred for him. Slowly I felt the memories of my own childhood being replaced with unfamiliar scenes that fit like pieces to a different puzzle. What city was it, that I used to scour the streets for bits of edible trash and where was I when that clown with the false smile had picked me up? Faces associated and disaccosiated with places and times in a muddy mess.

My heart was cracking like glass as I struggled to put together the fuzzy images of memories, sorting mine from the dreams. But how as I to tell?

I felt my self break as more began to shrink away like evaporating rain.

"Baka Moyashi." Kanda gritted at me as he bumped into my shoulder in the hall. I wondered if he had noticed anything.

"What the hell did you just call me?" the words slipped out of my mouth and I froze over. The Japanese male turned back as stared at me. If he hadn't noticed before, he had now. "Shut up... B-...Ba-... Bakanda!" I stuttered. Why was that name not coming to me so easily? I countered with that everyday and yet I couldn't get it out? I began to run away from him as drops of salty tears escaped from my eyes. I honestly believed that Kanda would run after me, but no, of course he wouldn't. Was that what I wanted? For some one to come and wrap their arms around me and tell me it was going to be alright? Why lie? This is will only get worse.

And it did.

Who are these people surrounding me, calling my name? I don't want to hear it! I don't want to hear the names that hardly feels like my own echoing around me!

Allen Walker.

Allen Walker!

Allen Walker!

I'm scared what if they hurt me? Maybe I shouldn't be here the man with a square mustache looks angry and wants to lock me in the dungeon, but I don't wan that! So I run. Running away from these scary people in cloaks chanting incantations to bind me but I break free. I dot want help from these people, the red head, the Japanese and the Chinese girl. Who are they too me? The red head and girl weep for no reason at all. I feel like I should comfort them, but why should I? They have no relation to me.

And now as I sit here in a dark, cold alley, I'm wracking my brain trying to remeber why exactly I'm hidding. Who am I hidding from? I just think I should stay here. People are rushing to get home, it is Christmas after all. I know that atleast, but why does it feel like I'm missing something important. Hah, of course I'm missing something. The image of a group of faceless teens circled around me with smiles on their faces. Hot tears melt my freezing skin. Why am I crying? What is there to be sad about? It's so cold out yet my left arm burns with anger. This body hates my very existence. I stare at my thin other arm as its strange pale color is replaced by that familiar gray. An image of my brother runs through my head, but it's odd how much older he seems than I remeber as he stares down at me. Why did he seem so much larger than me? The very picture of him becons my tears to flow even harder, like a faucet pouring straight into a drain. Who was this 'Allen Walker'? I heard his name bouncing off the walls of my brain but I can't put my finger on who he is. Or was. Why was I just sitting here again? I have a job too do. Brushing the snow off myself I stand up, stretching my stiff limbs.

I have a fat man to kill and a position at the head of my family to take.

Merry Christmas, to you and good night. 


End file.
